I cry myself to sleep

I brought in a new guy into the NonViolent Communication class a couple weeks ago. There was a bit of grumbling about him, some guys said he was crazy.

His first class we did a classic NVC exercise connecting an observation to a feeling to a need.

When it came to his turn came he said his wife didn't want him to have any contact with his daughters because he was in jail again. That he felt like killing her, and his need was to have a connection with his kids. His rage was palpable, and he had a tendency to go on and on and on. It was work to keep him focused.

He's repeat offender, and he's looking at a 92 years prison sentence.

By the end of this class, I'm doubting I can help him, and worried that he will be a pain and bring the level of the whole class down.

Next class we work on the idea of taking responsibility for our own feelings and needs instead of blaming others. He's a little quieter.

Next class we go over the list of basic human needs, and try seeing what people are doing and saying as an expression of those needs instead of judging them.

He said OK. I don't feel like killing my wife anymore, but I'm really missing my kids.

Next class we did an empathy practice. Each man talked about what was up for him, and then others guessed what he was feeling.

When it came to his turn this man said "I like listening to you all because I like hearing the hope you have for your lives. I have no hope. I'm a drug addict and I've been in the system since I was 9 years old, and I'm going to prison for the rest of my life. But I like hearing your hope, and your feelings because it means I might be able to deal with my own feelings. I cry myself to sleep every night, every night."