Saturday, January 26, 2013
Be good to yourself and fudge purple
Marc's first drawings were of syringes, skulls, and the message "God hates us all." A long term drug user he had so used up his veins that he was down to sticking the needle in his neck. In spite of all this Marc is funny, kind, and throws himself enthusiastically into every aspect of the Comienzos Program. About 2 months ago his heart stopped due to an overdose, and of having an second chance to live. Today he is clean and sober.
This is his Weeping Camel images and message.
Dear Marc,
You're not a junkie and you are only responsible for what you've done. It doesn't matter who says what, you're sober and you know whats what. And that bullshit your mother said when your dad died just shows how spiteful she was. Its not your fault they didn't know how to take care of you. Practice what you preach. You can't change the past and who cares if fate doesn't care about plans. Be good to yourself and fudge purple.
Friday, April 13, 2012
beautiful like a glacier
I facilitate a class called Therapeutic Writing. Its about articulating and processing what the students already know but may not know they know. Its an open and safe space for people to learn about themselves and from each other, and I participate, too-I write too.
Yesterday we started with a check in. Most of the 15 in this class were doing well. One man said he was accepting the consequences of his actions and was at peace. He is Muslim and he said that people misunderstand Jihad to mean blowing things up. He said for him it means the holy war of dealing with his own inner struggles and striving to be true to himself and his god. Another said that he was worried about how his cellie was going to do in court today. He said "I hope he keeps his faith with him.'
We wrote about the topic "my energy." One young fellow wrote that his energy was enormous, joyful and "beautiful like a glacier.' Another wrote that his energy was love, and that love is a decision you make, a way of life. One fellow said that energy is the adrenalin rush you get when being shot at or running from the cops. Another explored how gratitude and staying in the moment can convert negative energy into positive.
We ended with a gratitude round. Gratitude for living one more day, for children, for hot showers, for food, and not having a std, for having a bed to sleep in tonight, for higher power, for love, and for this class were all shared. The energy was sweet, funny and relaxed by then.
Yesterday we started with a check in. Most of the 15 in this class were doing well. One man said he was accepting the consequences of his actions and was at peace. He is Muslim and he said that people misunderstand Jihad to mean blowing things up. He said for him it means the holy war of dealing with his own inner struggles and striving to be true to himself and his god. Another said that he was worried about how his cellie was going to do in court today. He said "I hope he keeps his faith with him.'
We wrote about the topic "my energy." One young fellow wrote that his energy was enormous, joyful and "beautiful like a glacier.' Another wrote that his energy was love, and that love is a decision you make, a way of life. One fellow said that energy is the adrenalin rush you get when being shot at or running from the cops. Another explored how gratitude and staying in the moment can convert negative energy into positive.
We ended with a gratitude round. Gratitude for living one more day, for children, for hot showers, for food, and not having a std, for having a bed to sleep in tonight, for higher power, for love, and for this class were all shared. The energy was sweet, funny and relaxed by then.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
the things you do for yoga
Thursday April 5, 2012.
We carry 12 nice clean yoga mats from the classroom closet to the rec yard. The mats they've been keeping in the pod are kept in the janitor's closet and are filthy and had also gotten wet somehow.
A beautiful spring day, mid 70's. People gather for class while 8 or 10 guys work on "fitness" around and beside us. My students: two Native American transsexuals, a black man in his 20's, a slender white guy who is a yoga adept, a Native American bull-rider, a guy whose entire torso is covered in tatoos, a hand full of Hispanic guys. The guys milling about doing fitness: mostly bigger guys, who are walking, using a sheet tied to the door to do pull ups, lifting plastic chairs as weights, doing squats.
How to get this group focused?
We start doing simple standing breathing- raise arms all the way up on the inhale, lower to sides on exhale. 10 times. Gradually we work our way into a series of sun salutations.
Now we're in the zone. The tatooed guy goes: "This is for really bendy people, I'm not that bendy." The new trannie is moaning in extacy. Everyone else just settles in.
When we get to the floor postures a couple of the fitness guys walking up and down get into aloud discussion. Not arguing, just animated loud talk. I get their eyes and put my fingers to my lips. They nod, take the volume down.
The sun is deliciously warm after a snow storm earlier this week.
Savassana time for 5 or 6 minutes. Everyone lying on their backs, mostly shirts off.
The fitness guys flow away from us and quiet down.
After class the tatooed guy says" I'm sorry I couldn't do everything, miss." I say "Its ok, just do what you can." He goes " I'm kicking heroin." I go "Well, this will help speed up your detox." He looks brave, resolved to feel like hell for a few more days.
One young guy who has been doing yoga for a while volunteers to lead yoga three times a week.Great. He asks if he can keep the good mats. I hesitate cause if I leave them in there, they won't stay "good" for long, and getting new mats into the facility is a months long hassle. I look at his hopeful face and at the pile of disgusting mats they have and agree. Now I've got to search the psych unit for mats we may have left in a closet over there a couple years ago. Ahh the things you do for yoga.
We carry 12 nice clean yoga mats from the classroom closet to the rec yard. The mats they've been keeping in the pod are kept in the janitor's closet and are filthy and had also gotten wet somehow.
A beautiful spring day, mid 70's. People gather for class while 8 or 10 guys work on "fitness" around and beside us. My students: two Native American transsexuals, a black man in his 20's, a slender white guy who is a yoga adept, a Native American bull-rider, a guy whose entire torso is covered in tatoos, a hand full of Hispanic guys. The guys milling about doing fitness: mostly bigger guys, who are walking, using a sheet tied to the door to do pull ups, lifting plastic chairs as weights, doing squats.
How to get this group focused?
We start doing simple standing breathing- raise arms all the way up on the inhale, lower to sides on exhale. 10 times. Gradually we work our way into a series of sun salutations.
Now we're in the zone. The tatooed guy goes: "This is for really bendy people, I'm not that bendy." The new trannie is moaning in extacy. Everyone else just settles in.
When we get to the floor postures a couple of the fitness guys walking up and down get into aloud discussion. Not arguing, just animated loud talk. I get their eyes and put my fingers to my lips. They nod, take the volume down.
The sun is deliciously warm after a snow storm earlier this week.
Savassana time for 5 or 6 minutes. Everyone lying on their backs, mostly shirts off.
The fitness guys flow away from us and quiet down.
After class the tatooed guy says" I'm sorry I couldn't do everything, miss." I say "Its ok, just do what you can." He goes " I'm kicking heroin." I go "Well, this will help speed up your detox." He looks brave, resolved to feel like hell for a few more days.
One young guy who has been doing yoga for a while volunteers to lead yoga three times a week.Great. He asks if he can keep the good mats. I hesitate cause if I leave them in there, they won't stay "good" for long, and getting new mats into the facility is a months long hassle. I look at his hopeful face and at the pile of disgusting mats they have and agree. Now I've got to search the psych unit for mats we may have left in a closet over there a couple years ago. Ahh the things you do for yoga.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Races in the Pod
This is a paper I wrote for my Multicultural Art Therapy class at Southwestern College. The assignment was to talk with someone from a different culture than your own, and bring awareness to your own cultural biases as they come up.
Tejal Murray
May 18th, 2011
Multicultural Art Therapy
The People (Dine)
I spoke with two Native American men who are incarcerated at MDC about how they cope with racism in jail. They have been in my Writing Group for over a year and I feel blessed to have been able to get to know these very private people.
As a liberal white person I try to connect with all kinds of people and overcome my latent prejudices and fears. Working in the jail has given me a unique opportunity to develop close relationships with people I would never have encountered other wise: gang members, indigent people, and uneducated black men. As a therapeutic educator I enter the scene with unconditional positive regard for the individuals in my program. My students respond with gratitude, warmth and trust. Our interactions are mutually healing. The men I work with receive genuine caring and respect from me, and I receive trust, openness and respect from them, allowing me to heal my fears of violent men, and my prejudices against uneducated, brown criminals.
When I first went into F-8, the highest classification felony unit in the jail, it was chaos. If I looked away from my supply case for even an instant, men would simply reach in and steal my supplies. Eventually I asked Jonathan to guard the case, and he held it on his lap for weeks until the class settled down.
I soon realized that this quietly protective presence characterized how his ethnic group conducted their affairs in the pod. I interviewed Jonathan and his friend Alonzo, a young Navaho man about their experiences of being Native American in jail.
T: How's it been in here? You seem really stable and steady in this place.
A: That's the way it is, because these guys, the people here, they know we're not gonna do anything outrageous, we're not gonna steal from anybody. We don't do like these people, like I was saying, like the female nurses, we don't do any of that. We don't disrespect the CO's, we fly under the radar so they know that we're not going to do anything, so they leave us alone. And in return, we have the advantage of them always thinking of us as question marks. They don't know what's going to happen, because we don't talk to anyone.
T: So you keep to yourselves, among the Native people?
A: That's very important, 'cause if you put everything that is about you out there, then people can pick your weaknesses out. And when you're at your weakest point, they'll know. And that's something that - it's an unwritten rule that that's something that doesn't happen.
I've been vulnerable a few times, but the only times when I've been at that point were in class, when I felt comfortable about saying what I had to say without having it come back to the pod. The classes helped me a lot. I'm more patient now, I've always been patient, but now with disrespect I can talk it out. With the tools that I've got now, that I've learned, I can approach someone without being disrespectful in a blunt manner.
So yeah, there was a situation that had came up here the other day. Our Natives here, they have two tables, and this other race tried to come and sit at our table, and it kind of scared the Natives off, they actually left. And I went over there and saw what was going on, and it's like I said, you can't let anything like that happen. So I was there and I spoke to them, and one of my other Natives, he was actually playing very close attention. A racial thing was starting between the Blacks and the Natives again. Before the Natives got their chow, the Blacks just invited themselves to sit at our table.
So I told them, “you guys are sitting here and you're keeping my people from eating.
“ And they said, “Oh, we're sitting here.” And I said,” No, you're not.”
So I had to talk to the person who has the say-so for their people, and try to work something out. If not, if we can't talk this out, then, you know - start swinging. It's just the way it has to happen.
T: So you had to maintain your territory?
A: Yeah. If you give them an inch, they'll take a mile.
T: So the Natives have a representative, and the Blacks? And the Chicanos, the Mexicans, and the Whites?
A: No, the Whites are the only ones who don't. They just wander where ever they want to go. If one of their people gets beat up, they just leave him alone.
T: About how many Natives are in here?
A: There's about sixteen of us. Yeah, but at the same time you have to consider the older people as not being able to really go in and help you. They just sit back -
T: And you take care of them?
A: And they help us, and we help them, the majority of the time. But as far as the percentages, the majority are Chicanos and Mexicans.
T: Do you get along with them?
A: Yeah.
T: Is there more tension with the Blacks?
A: Yeah, there's always more tension sitting on the Blacks. They're loud, ignorant, and disrespectful, and they think that just because they're bigger than we are they can just take what they want. Which isn't true, because in reality, the whole pod is against them. They hold their ground, which is respectful. If you don't back down, that deserves some kind of respect.
T: So it sounds like a lot of the energy that gets used up in the pod is all about the balance of power, and group affiliation.
A: As far as the Natives, we just kick back and watch everybody kill themselves. And it's always, always over drugs. None of the people, none of the Native Americans, use drugs. These people, they fight over heroin, cocaine, crack, so that's their downfall. We just watch them. It's pretty entertaining, at times.
Interview with Jonathan Ray
T: Can you say any more about what happened here last week, about that guy that came in with the bad charges?
J: All I can say is, his charges had to deal with hurting his child. His child got hurt, and it was because of him - he bashed his child's head with a cup. It was a toddler, so. See, just like the judicial system, we have our own rules in here. They don't take that too kind, as far as hurting children, raping women; or people that are fags or gay. Stuff like that, child molesters, people like that, they don't tolerate in this pod. And it goes throughout the system. We have access to a TV, so we see it in the news. It's just like that everywhere, even when you go to into big prisons, they're going to ask you first thing, your own kind, no matter if you're Native or Spanish, your people will come and ask you for your paperwork. And your paperwork actually shows what you're in prison for. If it's wow, he's in here for child molestation, they're gonna get you.
T: Even your own people won't take you in?
J: Yeah. That's what we call, cleaning up your own back yard. So us Natives, there's not so many of us, so if we fail to do so, we will all get hurt. 'Cause the other races will come in and clear it out. It's very important for our safety, that if someone comes in with something like that, that it's not tolerated. This goes out through every other race. There's certain codes that we live by, no matter what.
T: Alonzo was telling me about how the Native guys all now have the bottom tier over on that side, and that you guys really stick together and sort of take care of each other.
J: Yeah, yeah. It's pretty much like, again, it's adapting to our surroundings. That's how being incarcerated is, it's always been that way. Between the blacks and whites, you know…
T: The races stick together?
J: They stick together. So for the Native we're like the bottom of the totem pole. I would say it's us, then the black people, then Mexicans, then the Chicanos, and then the whites.
T: Really?
J: It's pretty much, yeah. We're outnumbered you know. I think that's why we're so unified, so if something should happen we have our own area.
T: So you're never really all alone?
J: Yeah, you always have your people, yeah.
I admire Alonzo’s and Jonathan’s cool, protective savvy, and I am touched by their use of such terms as “my people, and my natives, and the people.” I admire their self respect, loyalty and deep identification as “the people.” This loyalty and mutual protection seems beautiful to me compared to the each man for him self attitude of the whites, my own race. But I wonder how I would feel if I heard white men referring to themselves as “the people” or “my people” with the implication that others may not really be “people?” Of course I would be horrified! I would like to be able to connect meaningfully with diverse cultures and still feel good about my own. I don’t believe in self hatred as a path to anything good. Perhaps it’s just that I think my race and culture needs to get some humility. My own race hunted and killed Native Americans like animals, so I am relieved when I see their humanity surviving the genocide we visited on them. I desire to contribute to healing the atrocities of the past, and even in some small way, to make amends.
When I heard about the child abuser getting beaten up I must admit I was not sorry. I have come to admire the laws of the inmates. I am glad that they don’t tolerate “bad charges” such as rape, child abuse or “malicious murder.” But then I am shocked when I hear that being gay goes in that same category of non tolerance.
In a system where inmates have so little control over anything they need to control something. Inmates have told me that things aren’t as they seem-the cops don’t control the pod, the inmates do. The codes of conduct are how they do it. The rule against gays in the pod may have to do with protection and survival. A gay man would not be safe in F-8, so in a sense is not allowed to stay for his own protection as well as for the protection of his group. Any racial group that admitted a gay man would be under attack from other groups. Gay men go to E-5 or into protective custody. (The gay culture in the women’s units is completely different- but that is for another paper)
I am amazed at how inmates manage racial tensions. I’ve heard that the mixing of races here in NM jails and prisons this is fairly unusual, that in other states races are separated to protect life. I appreciate how the different races group together (except the whites) and have representatives to handle disputes and make decisions in order to avert fights. I don’t know of many other situations in which the racial issue is so explicitly handled. as it is in this jail. My cultural conditioning about this as a white is to try to ignore it and hope it goes away. It’s refreshing and inspiring to be among people who are dealing with their own biases and alliances overtly, explicitly and in a way that will result in the least amount of violence.
Issues of survival and protection are foremost for incarcerated people. I’m sure that in their place I too would seek out my own kind for protection and safety. In my programs I
am doing whatever I can to help build bridges among the different groups. As Alonzo said many men use the Writing Group as a place to express their feelings and share vulnerabilities. When this happens in a multiracial classroom students begin to relate to each other with more compassion and acceptance as “brothers,” and racial divisions begin to fade. If I want to be able to connect with inmates and do so in a strong enough way to make a positive difference, its important for me to respect the survival issues they have to deal with all day every day. From that place I can begin to influence the field towards more tolerance and less violence.
Tejal Murray
May 18th, 2011
Multicultural Art Therapy
The People (Dine)
I spoke with two Native American men who are incarcerated at MDC about how they cope with racism in jail. They have been in my Writing Group for over a year and I feel blessed to have been able to get to know these very private people.
As a liberal white person I try to connect with all kinds of people and overcome my latent prejudices and fears. Working in the jail has given me a unique opportunity to develop close relationships with people I would never have encountered other wise: gang members, indigent people, and uneducated black men. As a therapeutic educator I enter the scene with unconditional positive regard for the individuals in my program. My students respond with gratitude, warmth and trust. Our interactions are mutually healing. The men I work with receive genuine caring and respect from me, and I receive trust, openness and respect from them, allowing me to heal my fears of violent men, and my prejudices against uneducated, brown criminals.
When I first went into F-8, the highest classification felony unit in the jail, it was chaos. If I looked away from my supply case for even an instant, men would simply reach in and steal my supplies. Eventually I asked Jonathan to guard the case, and he held it on his lap for weeks until the class settled down.
I soon realized that this quietly protective presence characterized how his ethnic group conducted their affairs in the pod. I interviewed Jonathan and his friend Alonzo, a young Navaho man about their experiences of being Native American in jail.
T: How's it been in here? You seem really stable and steady in this place.
A: That's the way it is, because these guys, the people here, they know we're not gonna do anything outrageous, we're not gonna steal from anybody. We don't do like these people, like I was saying, like the female nurses, we don't do any of that. We don't disrespect the CO's, we fly under the radar so they know that we're not going to do anything, so they leave us alone. And in return, we have the advantage of them always thinking of us as question marks. They don't know what's going to happen, because we don't talk to anyone.
T: So you keep to yourselves, among the Native people?
A: That's very important, 'cause if you put everything that is about you out there, then people can pick your weaknesses out. And when you're at your weakest point, they'll know. And that's something that - it's an unwritten rule that that's something that doesn't happen.
I've been vulnerable a few times, but the only times when I've been at that point were in class, when I felt comfortable about saying what I had to say without having it come back to the pod. The classes helped me a lot. I'm more patient now, I've always been patient, but now with disrespect I can talk it out. With the tools that I've got now, that I've learned, I can approach someone without being disrespectful in a blunt manner.
So yeah, there was a situation that had came up here the other day. Our Natives here, they have two tables, and this other race tried to come and sit at our table, and it kind of scared the Natives off, they actually left. And I went over there and saw what was going on, and it's like I said, you can't let anything like that happen. So I was there and I spoke to them, and one of my other Natives, he was actually playing very close attention. A racial thing was starting between the Blacks and the Natives again. Before the Natives got their chow, the Blacks just invited themselves to sit at our table.
So I told them, “you guys are sitting here and you're keeping my people from eating.
“ And they said, “Oh, we're sitting here.” And I said,” No, you're not.”
So I had to talk to the person who has the say-so for their people, and try to work something out. If not, if we can't talk this out, then, you know - start swinging. It's just the way it has to happen.
T: So you had to maintain your territory?
A: Yeah. If you give them an inch, they'll take a mile.
T: So the Natives have a representative, and the Blacks? And the Chicanos, the Mexicans, and the Whites?
A: No, the Whites are the only ones who don't. They just wander where ever they want to go. If one of their people gets beat up, they just leave him alone.
T: About how many Natives are in here?
A: There's about sixteen of us. Yeah, but at the same time you have to consider the older people as not being able to really go in and help you. They just sit back -
T: And you take care of them?
A: And they help us, and we help them, the majority of the time. But as far as the percentages, the majority are Chicanos and Mexicans.
T: Do you get along with them?
A: Yeah.
T: Is there more tension with the Blacks?
A: Yeah, there's always more tension sitting on the Blacks. They're loud, ignorant, and disrespectful, and they think that just because they're bigger than we are they can just take what they want. Which isn't true, because in reality, the whole pod is against them. They hold their ground, which is respectful. If you don't back down, that deserves some kind of respect.
T: So it sounds like a lot of the energy that gets used up in the pod is all about the balance of power, and group affiliation.
A: As far as the Natives, we just kick back and watch everybody kill themselves. And it's always, always over drugs. None of the people, none of the Native Americans, use drugs. These people, they fight over heroin, cocaine, crack, so that's their downfall. We just watch them. It's pretty entertaining, at times.
Interview with Jonathan Ray
T: Can you say any more about what happened here last week, about that guy that came in with the bad charges?
J: All I can say is, his charges had to deal with hurting his child. His child got hurt, and it was because of him - he bashed his child's head with a cup. It was a toddler, so. See, just like the judicial system, we have our own rules in here. They don't take that too kind, as far as hurting children, raping women; or people that are fags or gay. Stuff like that, child molesters, people like that, they don't tolerate in this pod. And it goes throughout the system. We have access to a TV, so we see it in the news. It's just like that everywhere, even when you go to into big prisons, they're going to ask you first thing, your own kind, no matter if you're Native or Spanish, your people will come and ask you for your paperwork. And your paperwork actually shows what you're in prison for. If it's wow, he's in here for child molestation, they're gonna get you.
T: Even your own people won't take you in?
J: Yeah. That's what we call, cleaning up your own back yard. So us Natives, there's not so many of us, so if we fail to do so, we will all get hurt. 'Cause the other races will come in and clear it out. It's very important for our safety, that if someone comes in with something like that, that it's not tolerated. This goes out through every other race. There's certain codes that we live by, no matter what.
T: Alonzo was telling me about how the Native guys all now have the bottom tier over on that side, and that you guys really stick together and sort of take care of each other.
J: Yeah, yeah. It's pretty much like, again, it's adapting to our surroundings. That's how being incarcerated is, it's always been that way. Between the blacks and whites, you know…
T: The races stick together?
J: They stick together. So for the Native we're like the bottom of the totem pole. I would say it's us, then the black people, then Mexicans, then the Chicanos, and then the whites.
T: Really?
J: It's pretty much, yeah. We're outnumbered you know. I think that's why we're so unified, so if something should happen we have our own area.
T: So you're never really all alone?
J: Yeah, you always have your people, yeah.
I admire Alonzo’s and Jonathan’s cool, protective savvy, and I am touched by their use of such terms as “my people, and my natives, and the people.” I admire their self respect, loyalty and deep identification as “the people.” This loyalty and mutual protection seems beautiful to me compared to the each man for him self attitude of the whites, my own race. But I wonder how I would feel if I heard white men referring to themselves as “the people” or “my people” with the implication that others may not really be “people?” Of course I would be horrified! I would like to be able to connect meaningfully with diverse cultures and still feel good about my own. I don’t believe in self hatred as a path to anything good. Perhaps it’s just that I think my race and culture needs to get some humility. My own race hunted and killed Native Americans like animals, so I am relieved when I see their humanity surviving the genocide we visited on them. I desire to contribute to healing the atrocities of the past, and even in some small way, to make amends.
When I heard about the child abuser getting beaten up I must admit I was not sorry. I have come to admire the laws of the inmates. I am glad that they don’t tolerate “bad charges” such as rape, child abuse or “malicious murder.” But then I am shocked when I hear that being gay goes in that same category of non tolerance.
In a system where inmates have so little control over anything they need to control something. Inmates have told me that things aren’t as they seem-the cops don’t control the pod, the inmates do. The codes of conduct are how they do it. The rule against gays in the pod may have to do with protection and survival. A gay man would not be safe in F-8, so in a sense is not allowed to stay for his own protection as well as for the protection of his group. Any racial group that admitted a gay man would be under attack from other groups. Gay men go to E-5 or into protective custody. (The gay culture in the women’s units is completely different- but that is for another paper)
I am amazed at how inmates manage racial tensions. I’ve heard that the mixing of races here in NM jails and prisons this is fairly unusual, that in other states races are separated to protect life. I appreciate how the different races group together (except the whites) and have representatives to handle disputes and make decisions in order to avert fights. I don’t know of many other situations in which the racial issue is so explicitly handled. as it is in this jail. My cultural conditioning about this as a white is to try to ignore it and hope it goes away. It’s refreshing and inspiring to be among people who are dealing with their own biases and alliances overtly, explicitly and in a way that will result in the least amount of violence.
Issues of survival and protection are foremost for incarcerated people. I’m sure that in their place I too would seek out my own kind for protection and safety. In my programs I
am doing whatever I can to help build bridges among the different groups. As Alonzo said many men use the Writing Group as a place to express their feelings and share vulnerabilities. When this happens in a multiracial classroom students begin to relate to each other with more compassion and acceptance as “brothers,” and racial divisions begin to fade. If I want to be able to connect with inmates and do so in a strong enough way to make a positive difference, its important for me to respect the survival issues they have to deal with all day every day. From that place I can begin to influence the field towards more tolerance and less violence.
hope and integrity
My group has been in lock down again for most of the week due to technical problems in master control. We started class with a deck of "needs" words spread out on the floor. Each person picked one card and said what was up for him about that today. "understanding" "hope" "to have my intentions seen" were some of the words. Because they had been cooped up all week, and it was a beautiful day we went out side and did some yoga. This class is 80% black and 20% Native American at this point. There was such a joy in being outside in the sun, and moving together. When I do yoga with young men I usually make it pretty challenging to help them burn off some of their excess energy and keep them focused. (I'm still sore form that session!)
At the end of the session I asked them to come back to the word they had chosen, and to say if doing yoga had given them a new perspective on the word.
One young man who is quite boisterous had chosen "integrity." When he first chose it he said "I'm not sure what this means but I think its important for me." After yoga he said
"What does it mean?" I said "it means wholeness." It means your thoughts, your feelings and your actions are all whole, all together. You do not think 'I shouldn't do this', then do it. You are whole like that." He said "yeah, that is important to me. I'm like that with you, with my friends, but not when its about what a nigga's gotta do to make money.I need to bring it to that too." I said " So integrity is something you have, and something you want to more of?" "yeah" he said.
A young Navaho man just found out his girl friend is pregnant. He picked the word "hope." He said he hoped that he would change his ways (drinking) for his baby, and give his child a good life, do it differently than what he had had growing up. He asked me to recommend a prenatal yoga teacher for his girl friend.
At the end of the session I asked them to come back to the word they had chosen, and to say if doing yoga had given them a new perspective on the word.
One young man who is quite boisterous had chosen "integrity." When he first chose it he said "I'm not sure what this means but I think its important for me." After yoga he said
"What does it mean?" I said "it means wholeness." It means your thoughts, your feelings and your actions are all whole, all together. You do not think 'I shouldn't do this', then do it. You are whole like that." He said "yeah, that is important to me. I'm like that with you, with my friends, but not when its about what a nigga's gotta do to make money.I need to bring it to that too." I said " So integrity is something you have, and something you want to more of?" "yeah" he said.
A young Navaho man just found out his girl friend is pregnant. He picked the word "hope." He said he hoped that he would change his ways (drinking) for his baby, and give his child a good life, do it differently than what he had had growing up. He asked me to recommend a prenatal yoga teacher for his girl friend.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
dancin'
Monday my students were all locked in their cells and had been for almost a week. On the TV Madonna was singing " Like a Virgin." The Officer let them our one by one. A couple of them danced across the day room to the classroom. Such joy, such resilience, such style.
Monday, April 25, 2011
death and breakfast
Last Friday a young guy was brought into my Pod, a housing unit of 60-90 inmates on a five day hold for probation violation. He was drunk and high, shaking, feeling really bad and repeatedly asked to be taken to medical. His requests were ignored. During the night he went into a seizure, and died.
We had class as usual Monday and Tuesday and no one mentioned this death. On Thursday morning there was a shakedown, which meant that a team of officers yelling and banging on doors at 5 am woke everyone up, handcuffed them and and took them out to the hall while the officers searched the rooms. Twelve mattresses and a random assortment of personal papers were confiscated. One of my students had made a drawing for his father's birthday which was taken. This shakedown wasn't that bad some said, because they allowed the men to talk in the hall, and did not make them squat in the shower to spread their butt cheeks like they usually do. Some were very shook up and furious because " all their shit" had been taken, some were like " its just another day in jail, no big deal. But for everyone this event brought up the pain and shock of the young guys death of a few days ago back up to the surface.
He was in an upstairs cell, and his body was removed on a stretcher during breakfast, bumping down the stairs while they munched. The Native Americans were deeply disturbed because in their tradition you do not eat in the presence of a dead body, and everyone was upset about the way the body had been just dragged down the stairs. No respect. I asked if anyone had said a few words or done any kind of service for the young man. No. So we held a few minutes of silence for him in class. Then we went on to our class which was to work with these quotes:
The Self cannot be pierced by weapons nor burned by fire;
Water cannot wet it, nor can the wind dry it.
The Self cannot be pierced or burned, made wet or dry.
It is everlasting, and infinite standing
on the motionless foundations of eternity.
The Bhagavad Gita 2:23
The Self is the light reflected by all.
He shining, everything shines after him.
Katha Upanishad 5:15
“There is a light within a man of light, and it lights up the whole world. If he does not shine, he is darkness.”
Jesus Christ
We read these aloud several times, then everyone wrote their personal responses to the line that most spoke to him, then read that aloud. By the end of class, there was a peaceful feeling in the room, and I felt we had taken one small step in coping with and honoring the young man's death.
We had class as usual Monday and Tuesday and no one mentioned this death. On Thursday morning there was a shakedown, which meant that a team of officers yelling and banging on doors at 5 am woke everyone up, handcuffed them and and took them out to the hall while the officers searched the rooms. Twelve mattresses and a random assortment of personal papers were confiscated. One of my students had made a drawing for his father's birthday which was taken. This shakedown wasn't that bad some said, because they allowed the men to talk in the hall, and did not make them squat in the shower to spread their butt cheeks like they usually do. Some were very shook up and furious because " all their shit" had been taken, some were like " its just another day in jail, no big deal. But for everyone this event brought up the pain and shock of the young guys death of a few days ago back up to the surface.
He was in an upstairs cell, and his body was removed on a stretcher during breakfast, bumping down the stairs while they munched. The Native Americans were deeply disturbed because in their tradition you do not eat in the presence of a dead body, and everyone was upset about the way the body had been just dragged down the stairs. No respect. I asked if anyone had said a few words or done any kind of service for the young man. No. So we held a few minutes of silence for him in class. Then we went on to our class which was to work with these quotes:
The Self cannot be pierced by weapons nor burned by fire;
Water cannot wet it, nor can the wind dry it.
The Self cannot be pierced or burned, made wet or dry.
It is everlasting, and infinite standing
on the motionless foundations of eternity.
The Bhagavad Gita 2:23
The Self is the light reflected by all.
He shining, everything shines after him.
Katha Upanishad 5:15
“There is a light within a man of light, and it lights up the whole world. If he does not shine, he is darkness.”
Jesus Christ
We read these aloud several times, then everyone wrote their personal responses to the line that most spoke to him, then read that aloud. By the end of class, there was a peaceful feeling in the room, and I felt we had taken one small step in coping with and honoring the young man's death.
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