The other day I was waiting in the sally port with my students, 15 or 16 guys. "Suspect" goes "Your fuckin tag is showing, homes!" And tucks in the tag to my shirt.
A few months earlier a CO (guard) accompanied us into the sally port. This has never happened before. I've gone through the sally port with inmates and without escort hundreds of times. There's quite a bit of muttering about this.
"Why's the Co with us?'
"There's a new rule, women have to be escorted in the sally port"
"Aww we would never hurt Tejal!"
"No way!" "She's our teacher, man"
"Besides if we tried, She'd kick our ass!"
That was the first and last time I've been escorted in the sally port.
My very first time in the sally port, a glass and metal space about the size of a freight elevator and always about 85 degrees, the fellow who was training me left me alone in there with 12 guys in orange. I was nervous, my first day on the job.
One guy said "hey how many of you guys are in here for violent crimes?" They ALL raised their hands. I was scared, but kept my feet on the ground and kept eye contact with the guys right next to me. I saw the twinkle in his eyes, and realized, that although they may indeed be there for violent crime, they were just messing with me.
We did the 90 minute class, and I got to teach in this setting for the first time. The sincerity, humility, heart, and wisdom the men shared blew me away. During the check out I heard " Thank you Miss Tejal for seeing us for who we really are.' "Thank you miss, for treating us with respect." " Thank you, miss for seeing past the orange."
Monday, March 29, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
How can I create a helping relationship? Carl Rogers
In his book On Becoming A Person Carl Rogers asks himself
“ How can I create a helping relationship?
These are some of the questions he asks:
1. Can I be in some way, which will be perceived by the other as trustworthy, as dependable or consistent in some deep sense?
2. Can I let myself experience positive attitudes toward this person - attitudes of warmth, caring, liking, interest, respect?
3. Can I be strong enough as a person to be separate from the other?
4. Can I be a sturdy respecter of my own feelings, my own needs, as well as his?
5. Am I strong enough in my own separateness that I will not be downcast by his depression, frightened by his fear, nor engulfed by his dependency?
6. Is my inner self hardy enough to realize I am not destroyed by his anger, nor enslaved by his love, but that I exist separate from him with feelings and rights of my own?
7. Can I permit him to be what he is – honest or deceitful, infantile or adult, despairing or over-confident?
8. Can I give him freedom just to be, without feeling that he should follow my advice, nor remain somewhat dependent on me, nor mold himself after me?
9. Can I step into his world so completely that I lose all desire to evaluate or judge it?
10. Can I meet this other individual as a person who is in the process of becoming, or will I be bound by his past as well as my past?
These questions and attitudes are the foundation upon which I walk into my work in the jail, and the churches and yoga centers where I also teach. This attitude provides me with a clear open space in which real connection and healing can happen.
I shared this list of questions with my class recently, we discussed each question, then I asked them which ones were the most important to them.
Felipe who is a charming fellow with a major meth problem said "1. Can I be in some way, which will be perceived by the other as trustworthy, as dependable or consistent in some deep sense?" He said "My family has had it with me. It will take a long time for me to rebuild their trust."
Several men chose "10.Can I meet this other individual as a person who is in the process of becoming, or will I be bound by his past as well as my past?" "We need to let go of the past'" they said.
And several more chose "6.Is my inner self hardy enough to realize I am not destroyed by his(her) anger, nor enslaved by his(her) love, but that I exist separate from him(her) with feelings and rights of my own?"
I was surprised because they were so quiet during this discussion that I wasn't sure any one was getting much out of it. But it turns out that question # 6 was deeply relevant. The need to live and let live is so important, especially when things get intense.
“ How can I create a helping relationship?
These are some of the questions he asks:
1. Can I be in some way, which will be perceived by the other as trustworthy, as dependable or consistent in some deep sense?
2. Can I let myself experience positive attitudes toward this person - attitudes of warmth, caring, liking, interest, respect?
3. Can I be strong enough as a person to be separate from the other?
4. Can I be a sturdy respecter of my own feelings, my own needs, as well as his?
5. Am I strong enough in my own separateness that I will not be downcast by his depression, frightened by his fear, nor engulfed by his dependency?
6. Is my inner self hardy enough to realize I am not destroyed by his anger, nor enslaved by his love, but that I exist separate from him with feelings and rights of my own?
7. Can I permit him to be what he is – honest or deceitful, infantile or adult, despairing or over-confident?
8. Can I give him freedom just to be, without feeling that he should follow my advice, nor remain somewhat dependent on me, nor mold himself after me?
9. Can I step into his world so completely that I lose all desire to evaluate or judge it?
10. Can I meet this other individual as a person who is in the process of becoming, or will I be bound by his past as well as my past?
These questions and attitudes are the foundation upon which I walk into my work in the jail, and the churches and yoga centers where I also teach. This attitude provides me with a clear open space in which real connection and healing can happen.
I shared this list of questions with my class recently, we discussed each question, then I asked them which ones were the most important to them.
Felipe who is a charming fellow with a major meth problem said "1. Can I be in some way, which will be perceived by the other as trustworthy, as dependable or consistent in some deep sense?" He said "My family has had it with me. It will take a long time for me to rebuild their trust."
Several men chose "10.Can I meet this other individual as a person who is in the process of becoming, or will I be bound by his past as well as my past?" "We need to let go of the past'" they said.
And several more chose "6.Is my inner self hardy enough to realize I am not destroyed by his(her) anger, nor enslaved by his(her) love, but that I exist separate from him(her) with feelings and rights of my own?"
I was surprised because they were so quiet during this discussion that I wasn't sure any one was getting much out of it. But it turns out that question # 6 was deeply relevant. The need to live and let live is so important, especially when things get intense.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
how felons would rule the world
Monday I showed the movie 2012 to eighteen men held in the highest felony classification at MDC. Wednesday we talked about the film. I asked them
"If you were on one of those arcs, and landed in a new world: how would you run it?
They said:
1. We would organize people right way to raise stock and get agriculture going.
2. Everyone would receive land to cultivate.
3. We would set up communication systems and technology to keep everyone connected right away.
4. All leaders would be volunteers, not paid in order to eliminate corruption.
5. We would govern ourselves by counsels like Native Americans. Everyone has a voice.
6. There would be no money, but a barter system.
7. Child molesters, rapists, and malicious murderers would be tried by a counsel of their peers and swiftly put to death if found guilty.
8. Herbs such as marijuana and poppy would be respected for their and recreational medical value and be legal.
9. Diversity and unity wold be developed through education.
"If you were on one of those arcs, and landed in a new world: how would you run it?
They said:
1. We would organize people right way to raise stock and get agriculture going.
2. Everyone would receive land to cultivate.
3. We would set up communication systems and technology to keep everyone connected right away.
4. All leaders would be volunteers, not paid in order to eliminate corruption.
5. We would govern ourselves by counsels like Native Americans. Everyone has a voice.
6. There would be no money, but a barter system.
7. Child molesters, rapists, and malicious murderers would be tried by a counsel of their peers and swiftly put to death if found guilty.
8. Herbs such as marijuana and poppy would be respected for their and recreational medical value and be legal.
9. Diversity and unity wold be developed through education.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
a fierce and joyful sound
Sheets of rain swept across the desert as I drove out to the volcanoes Monday. Clouds sailed across the sky drenching parts of the road, city neighborhoods, Kirtland Air Force Base, and acres of desert. A small mountain in the distance glowed white and blue under the clouds, melodramatic rays of sunlight blessing its stony flanks. Driving in the desert is a lot like sailing on the sea. You can see whole weather formations build and resolve. We don't really have rainy days, but watch distinct rain clouds on the move. In summer its so hot that rain sometimes burns up and evaporates before it ever hits the ground.
As I travel across this landscape on my way to the jail, I am deeply grateful, aware that my students never get to see this heavenly drama; only a small rectangle of sky through metal mesh in the ceiling of the reck yard.
Last week we had an early warm spell, hinting of spring. I heard a racket of men shouting when I got to the parking lot, figured they were enjoyed some rowdy games of hand ball on this mild day.
I made my way to my pod through the maze of security, sally ports and endless hall ways stinking of wax and ammonia. Most of my guys were indeed outside. Maybe thirty bare chested men were playing hand ball in the reck yard. Four Native Americans back in the corner were using a plastic lounge chair as a drum, singing their hearts out, making an enormous, fierce and joyful sound.
As I travel across this landscape on my way to the jail, I am deeply grateful, aware that my students never get to see this heavenly drama; only a small rectangle of sky through metal mesh in the ceiling of the reck yard.
Last week we had an early warm spell, hinting of spring. I heard a racket of men shouting when I got to the parking lot, figured they were enjoyed some rowdy games of hand ball on this mild day.
I made my way to my pod through the maze of security, sally ports and endless hall ways stinking of wax and ammonia. Most of my guys were indeed outside. Maybe thirty bare chested men were playing hand ball in the reck yard. Four Native Americans back in the corner were using a plastic lounge chair as a drum, singing their hearts out, making an enormous, fierce and joyful sound.
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