Radiance

In my writing class we talk about a topic, write about it, and then read what we've written. I wrote this in class on 2/23/2010.

Shame, depression, anxiety, hurt, anger, failure, disappointment, fatigue, loneliness, jealousy, not belonging, sadness, grief- all experiences I've had. They feel heavy, drag me down, make me want to curl up under the covers and hide. Make me want to give up, cuss somebody out, scream, cry. This is one side of my human experience.

On the other side there is the simple pleasure of cutting up vegetables to make a nice meal for my friends and family. On this side I walk into work and feel good about it.
I love, sing, make things beautiful, feel smart and capable. I bounce back, go for a walk and feel the land's intelligence, the benediction of the sky.

I walk a tight rope between these two sides. I use my skills to stay on the bright side as much as possible.

Beyond these two sides is an awareness that sees it all, smiling serenely. An instant of this awareness shifts me from a worried, depressed lump to a radiant being, who is able to see your radiance too.